***Due to adult context this is advised for 18+ only***
As promised, some pimping of Tom Conrad’s book. But before we tart Tom would like to state a couple of things:
One: this work lightly parodies Fifty Shades of Grey. Fans of “that” book may read these pages/screens through gritted teeth. Of course, you may instead simply appreciate the tongue-in-cheek humour and absolutely love it 😉
Two: also, as intimated above, That Coxom and Blondage Affair heavily references another of my shorter stories: That Semicolon Bitch Had To Die…?!;), and yet this self-contained affair is very much a standalone work, and certainly can be read as an independent story.
~ Blurb ~
Cox•om [cok-suhm] adjective (of a man) full-cocked.
Blond•age [blon-dij] noun (of a blond) one who
likes kinky goings-on.
That Coxom & Blondage Affair follows
the picaresque adventures of Frankie Drake as he navigates the precarious world of Internet dating.
In fact, down on his luck Frankie, having been so cruelly betrayed by his past lover: that semicolon bitch, now, in this all new and standalone novel, looks to move on with his little life. Of course, moving on with your little life is far easier said than done, and how exactly do you pull yourself together when you’ve been so cruelly betrayed; especially, by someone you thought you loved.
That Coxom & Blondage Affair an alternative romantic comedy exploring love, lust and the kingly quality of trust!
Excerpt from Chapter 6/BLONDAGE of That Coxom & Blondage Affair:
Beatrice barely paid any mind to Dan’s unruly grammar, only a split second spent furrowing her brow at his apparent confusion over commas and exclamation marks. Instead, she focussed on the three main pictures of Dan; three holiday snaps displayed on his public profile, and each one of them showing his cheeky/shameless face. Indeed, in one photo, taken in Thailand’s Tiger Temple, Dan crouched down beside a dirty orange, worn-out looking tiger. Unfortunately, the big cat (usually a majestic and fearsome beast) had been doped up to the eyeballs, and had thus been temporarily unable to claw or maul the grinning Dan; not even as Dan held his thumb up to the camera like a grinning idiot. Obviously, if the poor tiger hadn’t have been so heavily sedated perhaps Beatrice would’ve been spared the ordeal of receiving regular photos of Dan’s junk.
Not that Beatrice truly minded looking at a cock pic, after all she loved to get her hands and mouth on a fulsome member. The problem was, well, Dan’s member was somewhat ugly. Not small, pencil thin or puckered, just rather unappealing. What’s more, despite its lack of a pleasing aesthetic, Dan truly seemed compelled to send photos of his tackle on a regular basis.
The first picture he’d sent on Monday. It’d clearly been taken in Dan’s bedroom; a small box-room with an England flag plastered on the wall. Beatrice hadn’t replied to that one, but a second photo; taken in a grimy looking athroom soon followed all the same. This latest offering, of Dan’s pride and joy poking out the top of his briefs, displayed yet another fresh angle of his slimy and jaundice looking manmeat.
Thanks, Daniel, Beatrice only thought to herself, deleting the message from her inbox.
Message three: another guy seemingly wanting to send photos.
Profile: Tweacle Tel
Tagline: Looking for a relationship… honest!
~ Add That Coxom & Blondage Affair to your Goodreads shelf ~
~ Purchase Links ~
~ Get to know Tom ~
Tom works part-time for a charity, though in his spare time he edits and runs The Indie Pedant, a small but growing magazine-type website.
He likes mystery, detective fiction, fantasy, sci-fi and realism in equal measure, and currently is working on no less than eleven future novels. Finally, as this blurb demonstrates, he rather enjoys talking about himself in the third person.
~ You can follow Tom on the following sites ~